i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
