we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
