How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
