Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
