it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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