if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
