Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
