My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Randomize