i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
