Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I still have a little drunk in my system
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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