taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
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