There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
he was CRYING into my vagina
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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