come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I queefed so loud it echoed.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
