I am in a vortex of obligation.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize