Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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