the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
