I wannas sexs uuuuu
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
