You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
