New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
