Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
