she woke up with a sticky ear
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
He felt like a one man threesome
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
