Fuck appropriateness.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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