dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
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