It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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