every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
