Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
