I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Randomize
