It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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