hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
