but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
There's always time for handjobs
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
