Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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