I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize