Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I need a burrito and a hug.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
