THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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