Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize
