You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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