it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
