i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
