Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Randomize