too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
