Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
