let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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