She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
