I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize
