I haven't been this sober since birth.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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