You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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