Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
