Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
