we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
