She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Is that strawberry winking at me??
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
