I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
