I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
