i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
