Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
