Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Randomize
