Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
