Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I wear drunk well.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
