I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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