i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
