you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Randomize
