Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
