well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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