just come out here and I will go home with you...
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
