you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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