i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
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