im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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