I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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