My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
