Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
