I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Its about making memories worth repressing
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Randomize
