I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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